life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
