So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
