Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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