i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
