Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
