I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
