I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
