dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I fill condoms, not promises.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis