she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
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why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.