He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY