What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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