Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
