I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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