But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
