I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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