my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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