I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
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New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I pour the whiskey from now on
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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