Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
