I feel great
I just peed on a car
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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