Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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