Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
