Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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