If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize