You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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