Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
