Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
