he looks like a really good dad on facebook
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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