If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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