Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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