My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
