we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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