My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize