The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
