if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
