The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
