What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Barsexuality is the new black.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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