It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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