you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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