i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
