you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die