Texts From Last Night

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  (870): View more from Arkansas

  I don't get it.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Me neither.

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  But I masturbated to it anyway.

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  (870): I don't get it. (501): Me neither. (501): But I masturbated to it anyway. http://tfl.nu/tklr
  Replies (23) Good night (2321) Bad night (862)
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  (310): View more from California

  Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.

  (310): View more from California

  I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.

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  (310): Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail. (310): I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore. http://tfl.nu/tf34
  Replies (11) Good night (3757) Bad night (1054)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.

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  (443): My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat. http://tfl.nu/c3g0
  Replies (46) Good night (4635) Bad night (750)
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  (641): View more from Iowa

  I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.

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  (641): I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated. http://tfl.nu/i5uc
  Replies (6) Good night (983) Bad night (3412)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"

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  (413): i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way" http://tfl.nu/86gt
  Replies (36) Good night (16570) Bad night (1521)
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  (949): View more from California

  We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

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  (949): We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations http://tfl.nu/lsw6
  Replies (6) Good night (5706) Bad night (1123)
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  (973): View more from New Jersey

  i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me

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  (973): i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me http://tfl.nu/lmdm
  Replies (20) Good night (6681) Bad night (1149)
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  (209): View more from California

  he laminated a picture of his dick.

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  (209): he laminated a picture of his dick. http://tfl.nu/x5jy
  Replies (16) Good night (2815) Bad night (1565)
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  (310): View more from California

  I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.

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  (310): I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck. http://tfl.nu/laj1
  Replies (28) Good night (1237) Bad night (7229)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.

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  (412): Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day. http://tfl.nu/ky2l
  Replies (6) Good night (1941) Bad night (1037)
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  (760): View more from California

  i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege

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  (760): i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege http://tfl.nu/bkx2
  Replies (5) Good night (1101) Bad night (1486)
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  (714): View more from California

  BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.

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  (714): BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that. http://tfl.nu/qgn9
  Replies (8) Good night (2531) Bad night (1008)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man

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  (914): How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man http://tfl.nu/szzb
  Replies (2) Good night (1350) Bad night (545)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.

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  (605): I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits. http://tfl.nu/1m96
  Replies (3) Good night (1244) Bad night (556)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?

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  (267): Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five? http://tfl.nu/q5fc
  Replies (0) Good night (582) Bad night (273)

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