i was born a porn star she said
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?