They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize