every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.