Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.