Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
