I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
