my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
