Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.

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(416): View more from Ontario

So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.

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(305): View more from Florida

Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.

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(734): View more from Michigan

The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.

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(904): View more from Florida

A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern

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(561): View more from Florida

The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions

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