I cannot find my penis.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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