Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
