OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
