he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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