I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
