I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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