Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
