Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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