Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
