I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
And then he peed in my hair
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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