Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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