I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
