just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
