You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she peed on how many people?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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