I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
