well you can't waste a boner
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
