so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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