I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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