dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
