i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
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