I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
